When we were in Texas in October, I was able to ask Mom a lot of questions about her childhood and jot down things I learned. It was uncomfortable to her because she still has a lot of "hurts" from the past. The one thing I learned that really broke my heart was when I asked Mom how she felt when she learned they were going to take her to the orphanage.
Her reply: "They never really told us we were going. I just remember waking up one morning and I was there. They must have drugged us or something."
I asked her if she ever got to see her parents again and she said, "No".
My heart ached for her as I put myself in her shoes. Can you imagine how much this must have confused and hurt her at the age of 6? Not knowing why? Not seeing her mother again? It is beyond my own imagination. Children deserve an explanation and Mom never received that. So, as a result, she has never been able to add closure to this event in her life.
So, Mom continues to hurt deep inside, she has repressed a lot and that's why the questions made her so uncomfortable. Sometimes it is easier (so we think) to NOT think about things. It is easier to deal with if we don't have to think about it. However, what I have learned lately and what God is revealing to me is that we MUST deal with the past, we MUST deal with the hurts if we are to become what he has called us to be, if we are to become WHOLE.
I'm working on dealing with all of the offenses which I have sealed in my heart over the years. I asked God to show me my heart and he's doing a GREAT JOB!! haha Things have come to mind that I hadn't thought of in years, things I never realized were buried so deeply. He is bringing them to the surface so we can deal with them TOGETHER.
I am proud to be a child of the living King, a God who loves and cares so deeply.
In His Steps,
Judy
